Asking the Right Question

As we step into this brand new year we all have the desire to change things – make this year better; improve our health, relationships, income, careers. I’m not going to discuss setting goals although that’s always a good step to take. What I’ve been realizing all over again recently is just how important it is to ask the right questions. As a health coach, asking the right questions is critical! However, I realize while I am diligent to get to the heart of the matter with my clients, sometimes I get lazy with the questions I ask myself. I know, shame on me – but don’t you find you do the same thing sometimes?

I will speak for myself here – I focus in on getting the information and formulating a solution. But something that happened to my 83-year-old dad several years ago highlighted for me how easily we can be misled if we neglect to ask the right questions. He felt ill during the night and called the doctor the next morning. Upon seeing the doctor he explained that "he had trouble going to the bathroom during the night." The doctor understood that to mean he had a bladder infection and prescribed an antibiotic. Unfortunately, what my dad actually meant (but did not clearly explain) was that he couldn't get out of bed quickly enough because he felt weak and drained and almost didn't get to the bathroom in time. Big difference! As a result, he was not being treated for the actual cause of the problem, which turned out to be Lyme Disease; the antibiotic prescribed caused serious side-effects that took months to reverse; and until he was properly diagnosed, the root of the problem remained.

While this story did eventually have a happy ending and the doctor only went on the information my dad gave him, the resulting problems could have been avoided had he simply questioned my dad more thoroughly.

Asking effective questions is actually an art that we can develop and forms the basis for truly effective communication. Tony Robbins, the motivational expert, says that thinking is actually a process of asking and answering questions. It's true! You are constantly asking yourself questions and answering them. The quality of your questions, determines the quality of the answers.

Jesus was a master at this skill.
He asked the woman at the well - "Where is your husband?" (John 4:16);
He asked His disciples, "Who do you say I am?" (Luke 9:20); and
"Who is the faithful and wise servant?" (Matthew 24:45);
He asked the crowd, "Who are my mother and my brothers?" (Mark 3:33);
He asked His disciples, "Who touched My clothes?" (Mark 5:30); and
"Whose portrait is on this coin?" (Matthew 22:21; and
He asked the Pharisees, "Why are you thinking these things in your hearts?" (Luke 5:21).

He never failed to ask the penetrating question that cut through the fluff and pierced directly to the heart of the matter. As a biblical health coach, I have learned to ask my clients clear, focused, open-ended questions that require an honest, thoughtful response. I know that when it comes to health issues, this one simple step can literally mean the difference between life and death, healing and sickness.

I am not a big fan of conflict and confrontation so sometimes I find myself circling issues, not wanting to offend anyone or make them uncomfortable. But that just wastes time and avoids dealing with the real issue which helps no one. I am learning to do the same thing with the questions and answers I engage in within myself. If I want a higher quality response, I have to train myself to ask a higher quality question.

I can easily tell when I am asking myself weak, ineffective questions and you probably can too. How? The answers are self-serving, lazy and unfocused. It shows unmistakably in my attitudes and follows in my actions.

My number one goal in 2010 is to make a consistent, conscious effort to formulate really effective, focused and specific questions – whether I am speaking to someone else or to myself! I believe that this one step will naturally lead to a much improved and successful outcome in every area this year.

Step to Take:

Practice asking open-ended, thought-provoking questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Here are some examples of effective question starters. Notice most begin with “what” and “how.” Use them on yourself or with others and see what a difference the right question can make:

What seems to be the trouble?
How do you feel about _____________?
What is your biggest concern about _____________?
What seems to be the problem?
What seems to be your main obstacle?
What is holding you back from _________________?
What do you mean by __________?
Tell me more about _______________. What else?
What is your desired outcome?
If you do this, how will it affect _______?
What else do you need to consider?
What will you do? When will you do it? How will you begin?
How will you know you did it?
What are your next steps?

Until next time, as always, I wish you vibrant health as well as a blessed, joyous and prosperous 2010!
Ann